Fatherhood is... part 2

Fatherhood is generative.

Generative is a term that was coined in a study by Dollahite, Hawkins, and Brotherson (1997) (1) in their research to develop a strengths- and responsibility-based framework for fathering.  Basically, "generative" means being concerned for developing the next generation through effective fathering. Here are some of the key points from this framework:

• Relationship work (working to create a healthy relationship)
• Stewardship work (providing for the physical needs and safety of children)
• Development work (changing to meet changing needs)
• Ethical work (teaching children values and helping them to relate with others in moral ways)
• Spiritual work (working to help child obtain purpose and joy)
• Recreation work (helping children relax and have fun)
• Mentoring work (Helping older children learn skills to be a successful parent) (2)

Deuteronomy 6:1-9 illustrates the biblical mandate to be generative as parents.  Fathers in particular have a responsibility to build the next generation.  According to Ken Canfield in They Call Me Dad (2005) (3), fathers are the "ancient paths" mentioned in Jeremiah 6:16 that children are to look to.  The state of fatherhood will have to change significantly to see generative work become a priority and a reality.

1. http://fatherwork.byu.edu/generativeFramework.htm
2. http://fatherwork.byu.edu/generativeDefined.htm
3. Ken Canfield, They Call Me Dad, Howard Publishing Company, 2005

Change: Part 3

It is difficult to tell at times the difference between having patience in waiting to make a change, and hesitating due to the fear of change.  I quote Stephen Covey from a post on Facebook on January 28th:

Patience is a self-willed restraint until you come to understand. Complacency is some times a mood of contentment and satisfaction independent of the surrounding environment. Patience is a key element of charity, and is a proactive response to difficult situations. 

I myself have learned to tell fear or complacency from patience by listing to myself and to the Holy Spirit.  I immediately feel guilt, tension, and hesitation in my body and hear the voice of God saying, "You know better..."  at times when I am resisting change that I know must be made.  That voice may be through the conscience or power of reasoning, but I acknowledge that it is God nonetheless. Complacency restrains growth in every area of life.  Resisting the voice of the Lord at these times not only will delay a blessing, but shows a resistance to hearing God that makes it easier and easier to resist in the future at times when the penalties for resisting may be even higher.

When patience truly is required, and waiting on change is the order of your steps, there should be a calm about waiting, even when the change is welcomed and anticipated.  Knowledge, wisdom, counsel, prayer and reflection are needed at these times; elements that make up what Solomon would refer to as discretion and judgment in the Proverbs.  

Isaiah 40:31 reminds us that those who wait on the Lord "renew their strength."  The verse is a promise that we can do things with God's strength and not faint in our pursuits.  Running alone will see us fall down exhausted while striving under our own power.  This is not an inactive waiting, it is an active anticipation and preparation for what is coming next, whether the change is around the corner or years away.  Fear dissolves and resolution builds to face the challenges; character and integrity develop in order to better shoulder responsibility.  

God's timing is perfect and unquestionable.  He will never lay on us more than we can bear, whether in trials and testing, or benefits and blessing.  When He says go, go.  But if he says wait, then blessed will be the one who waits.

Change: Part 2

(Sent on 02/13/11 as Weekly Dispatch, my email to the rural west crisis team at Youth Villages)

We choose to change many times in order to benefit our lives in some way.  However, change sometimes comes about due to negative circumstances.

I took a job I wasn't ready for one time, as a director for a local child abuse prevention agency.  Circumstances became very negative and I felt like I could no longer do any good for the organization.  Day by day, the feeling of being there became unbearable.

We had a very well-respected minister come for our church's homecoming service at Beech Bluff, and I had the great opportunity to drive him back to the airport in Nashville for his departure following the service.  He gave me some very sage advice: stick with it, until you find something better.  

This job obviously represented my income and provision for my family.  Emotionally, I was at the point that I could not see anything else but the unpleasantness.  But those words, as common-sense as they were, were a wake-up call.  So from that point, I can identify the following points about problem- or crisis-induced change that helped me out:

• In emotional situations, rely on common sense and facts to make decisions, not emotions.
• Allow significant others to help you frame the situation and focus on reality.
• Don't compromise your faith, values, or relationships for the sake of getting out of an unpleasant situation.
• As in the first post on this subject, don't let go of one branch until you have a hold on the next one.
• Don't let the negative aspects of a situation be the driver for the change.  Find the good, beneficial, positive reasons for change.  Find a real opportunity, the next step, the thing you really want to dive into and make plans to direct your energy there (see Change, Part 1.)
• Make your departure a positive experience. Don't burn bridges.

These are just a few considerations from my experience.  I'm sure you could add others, but I hope this helps when you find yourself facing change.

Change: Part 1

Weekly Dispatch

(weekly email for helping professionals; distributed to Youth Villages Rural West crisis team)

Change: Part 1

There is a time for every purpose.  Change is inevitable.  A lot of things bring about changes in life, but for starters, time comes to initiate change in order to better our lives and the lives of our family members. 

My family and I have undergone some serious changes in the past few months, not the least of which was deciding to change churches from the one in which my wife and I grew up.  Even positive change is stressful and fraught with questions.  These are some lessons I learned in the process of making positive changes:

·      Have a plan; be intentional.

·      Count the cost.

·      Don’t let go of one vine before grabbing on to another; you’ll fall.

·      Go where you can grow.

·      Love where you are going and what you are doing.

·      Be patient; take your time.

Next post: what to do when problems call for change.

The Standard of Measurement

Something to consider here; it is in a note format rather than a really finished product, because I have trouble filling in the blanks sometimes.  I leave it to you...

Heb. 3:1- Consider (be attentive to, fix your eyes and mind on) Christ, the Apostle and High Priest of our profession (this is the standard, or required, measure of the believer).

Eph. 4:7- grace by the MEASURE of Christ’s gift (the measure of the gift- the full extent of Christ’s power and grace available to the believer).

Eph. 4:13- MEASURE of the stature of the fullness of Christ (The measure of the giver- the exemplar for the life of the Christ-like believer).

Eph. 4:16- according to the effectual working in the MEASURE of every part (the measure of the gifted- to the greatest capacity one is able, as a part of the body of Christ, to serve Him and be inhabited by Him).

We are measured up to the Apostle (one who is sent) and the High Priest (he who intercedes for us continually- Strong’s G749, Heb. 2:17).

Isa. 59:15-16- Yea, truth faileth; and he [that] departeth from evil maketh himself a prey: and the LORD saw [it], and it displeased him that [there was] no judgment. And he saw that [there was] no man, and wondered that [there was] no intercessor: therefore his arm brought salvation unto him; and his righteousness, it sustained him.

If we fail to measure up, then we leave a life of evil only to become a mark for the devil.  God seeks the intercessors.

The priest ministers reconciliation (Heb. 2:17).  We must measure up to this.

Reconciliation and intercession- aiding and comforting people in Christ’s love in contrast to their expected judgment or punishment; engaging the gates of hell in battle for souls.

We must always be somewhere between the altar and the porch (Joel 2:17), going to and viewing the world; showing righteousness, justice, and judgment; and being with the lost; then returning to the place of intercession for their souls.